It has come to this...

This is my promise to myself. A promise I should have stood by a long time ago. Whatever could have been will no longer have the potential to be. You had your chance and let it pass you by several times. It is clear where your feelings stand and that’s okay buy don’t drag me along. You’re hurting me like that puppet doll that gets tossed around following your trail. I can’t and won’t do it anymore. I need to take you completely out of my life. Delete your number, delete your messages, delete your existence. It’s not okay for you to continue playing mind games with me like this. Leaving me in the dark confused thinking I did something wrong. I hope you at least realize what you are doing and I hope that you know that when you come crawling back, I won’t be there for you anymore. I just can’t. You have chosen and the decision is final. There have been too many times where I gave you another shot but that won’t slide anymore. In life we make decisions and then we live with them. I hope you made the right one.

An Eye For An Eye

Revenge. That is the topic of the day. Though not healthy, sometimes it is just necessary. Especially when someone warns you ahead of time to watch your every move, because if you fuck up then your face will be fucked up as well. What can I say? Is it really that bad to keep a promise you once gave someone? "You fuck her over and I will beat the shit out of you" is something my lovely friend said a few months back. Too bad you didn't take it seriously. Maybe then you wouldn't fall into our trap. Honestly, I've never seen a more gullible, naive person in my life. You really thought you had us fooled, huh? I'm sorry you don't know what true friends are like but with the way you act, you don't deserve true friends. Maybe someday you will realize that being "cool" and "popular" is not as important as being true to the ones that care about you. For the ones who you try to be cool around will only stab you in the back, because quite frankly they just don't give a shit about you. You are living a life full of lies and fakeness. Last time I've checked, being unsuccessful in life is not "cool". I'm glad you're satisfied with being a complete fuck up. You have achieved absolutely nothing in your life but, instead, only lost respect of the many around you. At one point I felt sorry for you and the way you live your pathetic life but not anymore. That's the road you've chosen and now you can continue traveling along it. You really need to walk the walk after you talk the talk though. You can't be all bad ass over the phone and then chicken out in real life. It just doesn't work that way hun. I hope you know you've made a complete fool of yourself and I will leave it at that.

You can't pay enough money to cure that feeling of being broken and confused

Wow. I don't know how I can do this anymore. I have a thousand thoughts racing through my head. My heart is pounding and it feels like it's about to blow up. I don't know what I did. Was that a mistake? Why am I still trying? I'm so confused! HELP ME! Someone please. I'm desperate! I don't understand. Everytime I think I do something nice. Something to show how much I care. Something to show I want this to work I get shot down and I feel absolutely and completely STUPID. But I guess it's not suppose to work. I need to run. Run far, far away from everything. I need to scream. Everything is built up inside and it's about to blow. I can't be here anymore. I can't do this. I can't believe I'm so stupid to believe there still was a chance. But why do you say those three words? Those three little stupid words! They always get me. "I love you". I hate them! I hate those words! Your actions are suppose to prove what you feel. Anyone can open their mouth and say three stupid little words. This is getting so out of control. Am I insane? is this all just a dream? I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I simply give up. . .

When men are affraid of the light

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon-instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today". The problem is that you only come to realize this when you or someone you love comes close to dying. Only when death comes knocking on your window but you refuse to leave just yet and stay a little longer. Lately life's been hard for me and many of my close friends. From three car accidents in one month to sickness and injury. Pointless fights started and the endless tears lost. "When is it going to get better?" you ask yourself, but that's a question no one can answer. So what if you've faced death many times in your life? Shouldn't that be a sign that it's not your time to go yet, but what you're doing isn't right? Change something and do it fast where there's no time to waste. Or maybe you're staying here because someone needs you so they can change their life. Think about it. . .everything happens for a reason. Every tragedy should make you appreciate what you have even more. "Instead of weeping when a tragedy occurs in a songbird's life, it sings away its grief. I believe we could well follow the patter of our feathered friends".

Tears are words the heart can't express

"Oh, look what you've done. You've made a fool of everyone. Oh well, it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won". Those are the lyrics I currently hear. Life's been so complicated lately. It seems like I've been pushing myself away from everyone. I no longer want to socialize with my friends and I'm disconnecting myself from the outside world completely. I go to school, come home and go to sleep. I think I'm doing this because of you. Just look what we've become. Two completely lost strangers yearning for help. I try; you give up. You try; I give up. Over and over in an endless cycle. The problem is that I don't know how much longer I can hang on. This isn't suppose to be easy but you've given up way too early and even admitted it yourself. So we give it another shot but here I am again alone, lost, and confused. I have a hard time letting go of this unfinished business but I can no longer bear sitting here alone in the dark watching what we once had fade. One day I try to figure out a way to fix this but then another I completely give up and tell myself I'm better off without you. I'm scared because lately I've been thinking it's better to let go. It seems like I want to take the easy way out and just cowardly leave everything and everyone behind. Sometimes I think that I need a fresh start. Somewhere I can runaway from all my problems and have a fresh start. Maybe I just need a vacation from this place...I miss the way things used to be. The way you made me feel; like I'm complete for the first time in my life. I wonder if I'll ever feel that way again. I guess only time will tell...For now I'm just gonna sit here on this rollercoaster of emotions trying to hang on with a broken arm in throbbing pain.